Sex and consent
Consent means approving or allowing to do something. Good sex implies that both parties want each other and give each other consent to have sex. Here you can read about what sexual consent is, how you can give and receive consent, and the consequences of having sex without consent.
What is consent to sex?
Consent to sex implies active consent to engage in sexual activity with a partner, such as touching, kissing, fingering, masturbation, oral, vaginal or anal sex. For sex to be consensual, both parties must consent to sex (mutual consent). Consent must be clear. There should be no question about whether your partner wants to have sex with you. It is your responsibility to make sure you have consent from your partner.
You have mutual consent when
- You and your partner agree to have sex before starting
- You can be sure that your partner will still want to have sex with you
- the partner is awake and able to consent while having sex
- they both agree to engage in various sexual activities
- you respect your partner's willingness to quit or not take certain actions
How to express and receive consent?
Before having sex with your partner, make sure that the person wants to have sex with you. The partner also needs to make sure you want to have sex. Giving and obtaining consent before engaging in sexual activity means that you are both sure that sexual activity is desired.
Consent may be expressed in various ways. It can be said in words or in body language. However, a sexual response such as an erect penis or a wet vagina cannot be interpreted as consent.
Enthusiastic and mutual consent does not have to be expressed in words, but you should make sure that your partner is willing to read through body language, facial expressions and actions. If you are unsure whether your partner wants to alter sexual activity or continue to have sex with you, it's a good idea to ask. If you still doubt whether your partner wants sex, you show responsibility by taking a break and making sure what your partner wants.
Getting consent to sex may seem difficult and strange. Many people are afraid to spoil the mood. The question “do you want to have sex with me now?” seems distant to most people. Questions like "what do you want?", "What is it like?", "Is this okay?" and “does Are you ready?" they do not occur often.
Body language is the most common form of consent. At the same time, it can be difficult to interpret body language and understand what your partner really wants. If your partner is looking at you, smiling, and taking the sexual initiative, it could be a sign of consent. When your partner is still, looking away, or showing little initiative and interest, there is reason to see if your partner is willing to have sex with you. When in doubt, you should stop having sex.
The consent may be withdrawn at any time
Agreeing to have sex does not mean that you or your partner have made a commitment to fulfillment. Consent to sexual activity can be withdrawn at any time. Therefore, it is important to be aware of whether or not you have consent to have sex. Keep in touch with your partner to make sure he still agrees. For example, consenting to masturbation does not mean that you have consented to intercourse.
The use of words such as "no", "end" and "stop" is a clear way of not giving or withdrawing consent. There are many times when it can be difficult to be so clear. Examples of situations where it can be difficult to explain are situations where you are in love and you are afraid your partner will lose interest, you are afraid of hurting your partner, or if your partner is behaving threateningly. If you are in a sexual situation where you no longer want to continue and it is difficult to put it straight, you can ask for a break. If there is a situation where you don't want to be involved but still want to have sex, say what you want to do.
The consequence of having sex without consent
If you do something sexual with another person without their consent, you are violating their sexual rights. You may be fined and imprisonment for up to 1 year. Rape is punishable by imprisonment for up to 10 years.
Rape is defined as having sex with another person by force or intimidation, having sex with someone who is sleeping, unconscious, or otherwise reasons is not possible to refuse.
If your partner falls asleep while having sex, you cannot be sure that you still have permission to do so. Then you have to stop having sex. If you continue, you risk committing a rape while you sleep.
If the person you want to have sex with is under under the influence of alcohol, you cannot be sure whether she is able to consent to sex.
Have you been exposed to sex without consent?
Find out, what you can do and where you can get help.
Source: Helsinki Norge
